Sunday, December 05, 2004

Conversations with Myself

Sitting on the floor, staring at a cookbook.

Go on, get up and go to the store. Do it now. You'll be so much happier if you cook something good.

There's no point. I don't really feel like eating. And cooking is so much work.


Don't think that way! You like to cook. Get up now, or you'll let so much time go by that you'll be starving and end up eating lukewarm spaghetti.

You're right. But I can't move. I'm just going to sit here a little longer.


I'm telling you, you'll regret every moment that you sit here, but you won't regret making a real dinner. And no, it's not THAT cold out, so don't even start.

Fine, fine. Fine.


*****

I'm boring.


You're not boring. You're just very busy and tired.

No, I'm boring. I have nothing to say to anyone. I can't even remember what I did this morning.


You were at school. You like school. Interesting things happen there. It's your passion.

No one wants to hear me rant and rave about school. It's boring. Face it, all I do is sleep, eat, and teach. I'm not an interesting person.


Don't believe what he said about not wanting to hear you talk about school. He didn't mean it, and even if he did, it's not worth paying any attention to.

No, no, I think it is true. I should have more ideas, more thoughts on things. I'm not very observant. People think I'm well-informed and smart, but really I'm a fraud.


You are not a fraud. Don't even start with that line of thinking. Or everyone is a fraud. It's not useful, who cares?

Someday they're going to realize that I don't know anything about anything.


*****

All I really want to do is lie on the floor and listen to music and cut things out of magazines for collages.


You could do that.

I miss summer. I woke up in the afternoon on Saturday and evening shadows were already falling across the buildings. The floors are cold.


Yeah, winter's not your thing. You've gotten through it before and you're stronger now.

I should be working on planning for the week - or grading lab reports.


So, open those files and get started. Or stop obsessing about it. You'll be fine either way.

I want to be in a rock band! I don't even play an instrument.


Um, whatever.

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