Stupid, stupid, STUPID Blogger

I wrote a long post that I just can't write again. It didn't publish the first time, I used their "recover post" feature, and it only recovered 1/3 of the post. So it's gone. I used to keep a copy of long posts on my clipboard just for moments like these but I don't anymore because they have that new feature... *sigh*

*****

It started with the thought that I want to be the kind of teacher who is always calm, never shows real anger (only anger for the sake of drama, making a point), never gets frustrated and blows up at a class.

The middle was about how a bunch of small, stupid things happened today and I got really angry with some kids and although I didn't say anything truly harmful to them, I used a really nasty tone and I know that I alienated them and made them feel unsafe in my classroom (not physically, I mean unsafe in the sense of not free to take risks and learn) and I'm really not proud of myself.

It ended with the thought that I miss having someone whose job it is to hold me and tell me I'm a good person even when I'm pretty sure that I'm not.

*****

If you don't speak, no one will ever hear you.
If you don't approach, no one will ever be near you.
Does someone miss you when you're not at home
It's a question of give & take

If you don't cry, no one will ever feel pain for you
If you pass by, the feet of the world will walk away from you

...

If you don't defend, no one will ever be there for you
If you pretend, no one will ever much care for you

-from Perfect, Eliza Carthy