Ms. Frizzle Goes to the Prom & Other Reflections

Er, the "graduation dance." We have been emphasizing that the prom is something you attend in high school, and since all of our students will be graduating from high school, this is only the 8th grade graduation dance. Sadly, many students in the Bronx drop out of high school and never attend a real prom, so the culture of the area is to go all out for the 8th grade dance.

I wish I could post pictures: the kids looked fantastic. The girls wore beautiful gowns made of shiny fabrics with lots of glittery jewelry and 4-hour up-do's. The boys wore everything from traditional suits to island style linen suits to dressy hip-hop style suits. A parent who is also a professional DJ handled the music, everyone danced and for the most part cooled down the grinding, parents did most of the work of setting up and cleaning up so that the kids and teachers could just enjoy ourselves... it was so much fun.

At one point the DJ handed the kids the mic to make speeches. The second kid to take the mic started giving shout-outs to all the different ethnic groups at our school. He was inclusive of everyone, but it was the kind of speech that makes you cringe. Better he get it out of his system now than at his best friend's wedding some day... when the next girl to get up brought up race again, the parent running the event took the mic and told them not to ruin the day for each other, to make speeches about memories and friendships.

Then one very out-going girl took the mic and made a nice speech about how much everyone meant to her, and announced that there would be an after-party (lots of cheering). Then she said, "Oh, careful, don't want the teachers to know, um, there will be a Bible study after party at so & so's house....!"

More dancing. Then an hour later, another boy took the mic and announced the details of the after-party: "For those of you who don't know, there will be an after-party at so & so's house on Findlay Ave., his parents don't know but that's okay, everyone come, there will be dancing and music!"

We crowned a king & queen in a very low-key kind of way, they had a dance and then other couples joined in. And then it was over. We lingered to help clean up and make sure all the kids got home safely (the block where the dance was held was a little sketchy). The kids whose parents had organized the event sat on the tables in their princess dresses and impeccable suits and counted how many cheese puffs they could fit in their mouths at one time (I believe the record was 16... ewww).

And then we went home.

*****

Lately, I've begun to think a lot about race & ethnicity and how it plays out at my school. The kids are really strongly identifying with their ethnic groups right now, especially the Dominicans. When they break off into little "best friend" groups, most are friends with others of their ethnicity, yet if you look at our kids in group settings and in class, it seems like they all get along pretty well. Occasionally, though, they say or do things that make it very clear who belongs to which group; because Dominicans out number everyone else at my school, their voices are strongest.

I'm completely fine with them being proud of their ethnic identities, of course, but I hope that the stuff where they show that pride by putting down other groups is just a phase. I think for many of them it will be, for others, maybe not. For many, it is what they see & hear at home and in the neighborhood.

We have a new teacher at school who is Puerto Rican. It's been interesting to watch kids open up to her who never open up to any of the rest of us. I'm glad they feel comfortable around her, and she is very professional about it and talks to them about some of these issues of being proud of your identity without needing to take down others. Some of them invited her to the after party, "C'mon Ms. -----, we know you were holding back out there!"

I grew up in a small town that was virtually all white. I grew up without even knowing most of society's stereotypes. That's not to say that I don't have my prejudices or whatever, it's just to say that I grew up knowing that stereotypes exist but pretty much clueless about what they actually are, because it wasn't a part of my experience. "She's very Dominican," or "He's so Puerto Rican" - I can't tell the difference just by talking to someone, but many people in New York can. And the truth is, for every kid who strongly identifies with one group, there is another kid who doesn't flaunt any particular ethnicity, and others who are 50% this, 50% that but have been raised as or just plain chosen to be one or the other.

My school feels incredibly close-knit. At the same time, I know that when it really comes down to it, I don't know too many of my kids very well. I know who they are in my class, in school, maybe I'm friendly with their parents, but that's it. There are a thousand things about them that I don't know, that they haven't, won't, or can't share with me. I've begun to see the role that culture plays in that. While the kids are friendly and respectful, and many seek out the attention of their teachers no matter what our backgrounds, we inhabit two overlapping but different communities. I can't explain it better than that. It's not like I ever thought ethnicity wasn't playing a role, it's just something that's been on my mind lately as we celebrate with the kids and prepare to send them on to the next phase of their lives.